Are You a Safe Place for Your Child With ADHD? What Marni Love Wants Homeschool Parents to Know About Connection

If you homeschool, you probably spend a lot of time with your kids.

You eat breakfast together. You read books together. You teach math, practice reading, answer questions, manage meltdowns, help with transitions, make lunch, and somehow explain for the 47th time why we don’t lick the table.

So when someone talks about the importance of connection with our kids, it can be easy to think:

But we’re together all day long. Aren’t we already connecting?

That was one of the questions I found myself thinking about after my conversation with Marni Love, a Connected Families coach, about what it means to be a safe place for our children with ADHD.

Being With Your Child Isn’t Necessarily the Same as Connecting With Them

As homeschool parents, we’re already doing something that many other parents don’t get to do—we spend a tremendous amount of time with our children.

But as Marni pointed out in our conversation, simply being together doesn’t necessarily mean our children are experiencing that time as connection.

We might be sitting beside them all day long and still miss the things that communicate love to them.

Marni shared an example from her own family.

She enjoyed reading aloud with her children, so she might naturally have assumed that reading together was one of the ways her son felt especially loved.

But she realized that her son experienced love differently.

He felt loved when she went outside and played basketball with him.

That example really highlights something important:

Our children may experience connection differently than we do.

The things we naturally enjoy doing with our kids aren’t necessarily the things that make them feel most known and loved.

What Makes Your Child Feel Loved?

Marni’s question—“When do you feel loved by me?”—is worth asking our children.

You may already have an idea of what your child will say.

But you may also be surprised.

Maybe your child feels most connected when you:

• Play outside with them.
• Listen to them talk about an interest they’re passionate about.
• Build LEGO creations together.
• Read a particular book.
• Sit beside them while they draw.
• Play a game.
• Cook or bake together.
• Give them your undivided attention for a few minutes.
• Join them in something they enjoy.

And those things won’t necessarily look the same for every child.

That’s especially worth considering when you’re homeschooling multiple children.

One child might love doing schoolwork side-by-side with you.

Another might connect through physical activity.

Another might want to tell you every detail about their latest interest.

Another might prefer a quiet moment sitting next to you.

Marni’s question gives us an opportunity to become curious about those differences rather than assuming that what communicates love to one child will automatically communicate love to another.

What Does This Look Like in a Homeschool?

As I thought about Marni’s point, I started thinking about how easily this can get lost in the day-to-day reality of homeschooling.

We’re trying to get through math.

Someone is refusing to do handwriting.

Someone else needs help with a science project.

The toddler is crying.

Lunch needs to be made.

And now we’re somehow running 45 minutes behind schedule.

In those moments, connection can feel like one more thing we’re supposed to add to an already-full day.

But I don’t think it necessarily has to be another item on your checklist.

Instead, you can look for opportunities that are already happening.

If your child loves basketball, maybe you shoot hoops together for ten minutes before starting school.

If your child is fascinated by bugs, stop and look at the insect they just discovered outside.

If your child wants to tell you about their latest obsession, give them a few minutes to tell you about it—even if you don’t understand half of what they’re talking about.

If your child loves to be silly, join them.

These moments don’t have to replace your homeschool responsibilities.

They can become part of the relationship you’re building while you’re homeschooling.

Ask Your Child Instead of Guessing

One thing I especially appreciate about Marni’s suggestion is that we don’t have to figure all of this out on our own.

We can ask.

Try asking your child:

“When do you feel most loved by me?”

Depending on your child’s age and communication abilities, you might need to phrase it differently.

You could ask:

“What’s your favorite thing we do together?”

“When do you like spending time with me the most?”

And if your child isn’t able to answer the question directly, that doesn’t mean you can’t learn from observing them.

Look for the moments when they seem relaxed, engaged, playful, or eager to have you join them.

Those moments can give you clues about what connection looks like for that particular child.

Connection Doesn’t Mean No Boundaries

I also want to make an important distinction here.

Creating connection with our children doesn’t mean we eliminate expectations, boundaries, or correction.

Our children still need parents who will teach them, guide them, and sometimes tell them “no.”

A safe relationship isn’t one where a child gets everything they want.

Rather, as I understood Marni’s point, it’s about helping our children experience us as someone who is for them—even when we’re correcting a behavior, navigating a difficult moment, or holding a boundary.

That’s particularly important on the hard homeschool days.

Because there will be hard homeschool days.

There will be meltdowns.

There will be resistance.

There will be transitions that don’t go well.

There will be moments when you lose your patience and moments when your child loses theirs.

Connection doesn’t make those things disappear.

But intentionally building connection can help strengthen the relationship you’re returning to after those difficult moments.

What If You Started With One Small Thing?

You don’t need to completely change your homeschool.

You don’t need to add another complicated system to your schedule.

Instead, consider starting with Marni’s question:

When does my child feel loved by me?

Ask them if they’re able to answer.

Observe them if they’re not.

Then choose one small opportunity this week to enter into something that matters to them.

Maybe it’s basketball.

Maybe it’s LEGO.

Maybe it’s reading.

Maybe it’s a walk around the neighborhood.

Maybe it’s listening to a very detailed explanation about something you’re only mildly interested in.

It might seem small.

But those small moments are part of the relationship you’re building with your child.

And as homeschool parents, that relationship matters far beyond whether you finished today’s math lesson.

Listen to My Conversation With Marni Love

I encourage you to listen to my full conversation with Marni Love:

We talked about what it means to be a safe place for your child with ADHD, how connection fits into parenting and homeschooling, and what we can do when our children’s needs and behaviors leave us feeling overwhelmed.